The Sin of Forgetfulness

I think one of the gravest sins one can commit is forgetting where you came from. Or put another way, what God has brought you out of. As humans being so full of sin, we are so short focused, always thinking about the here and now that we often forget to reflect on the journey and the trenches of our life.

For the Israelites their sin came out in the form of grumbling. In chapter 16 of Genesis you see them wandering in the desert hungry, and they voice out their complaint to their leaders Moses and Aaron. “ In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."

Now we all know that their memory was very short sighted. They forget they were slaves in Egypt, mistreated, abused and forced to work for no wages. Yet all they can remember was the pots of all you can eat food, which probably didn’t happen all too often.

How often am I like that? This morning while I was driving to work I was listening to one of my CD’s and Boys II Men’s I will get there came on. The lyrics go like this:

I've been wanderin' 'round in the dark
Been lost somewhere where no light could shine on my heart
I have known a pain so deep
But I know my faith will free me
And I'll get through this
I'll find my way again
So don't tell me that it's over
'Cause each step just gets me closer
I will get there

I will get there somehow
Cross that river
Nothing's stoppin' me now
I will get through the night
And make it through to the other side

I've been in these chains for so long
I'll break free and I'll be there where I belong
Hold my head up high, I'll stand tall
And I swear this time I won't fall
I will do this
No matter what it takes'Cause I know no limitations
And I'll reach my destination, I will get there

Then all of a sudden like a jolt, all of these memories started to rush back to me and tears of repentance started to well up in my eyes.

You see I used to listen to this song over and over again 12 years ago because it spoke to me so. I felt so lost then and felt very much like the Israelites did wandering in the desert. It was safe to say it was the darkest time in my life and I barely made it out. I was in the midst of a 3 year alcohol and drug bender. I was probably drinking 1.75 liters of Whiskey every week. The weekends were full of going to parties and dropping ecstasy, smoking weed, crystal meth, dropping acid. Thoughts of suicide prevailed around in my mind all day. I would often sit in the shower and just let the water from the showerhead pour on me for hours at a time, maybe thinking it had some redeeming effect.

I was going to grad school for counseling at that time. I never told anyone this but I didn’t actually quit grad school, I got kicked out because I was coming to class wreaking of alcohol. My classmates and professors got wind of it (literally) and asked me to take a year off. And so I did. And that year was full of me doing absolutely nothing. Well I am actually selling myself short. I did catch up on every single episode of 90210, and every movie and syndicated television show from the past 5 years that I missed out on, since I was on a media fast for pretty much my whole college career.

I pretty much woke up at 2pm every day, poured myself a cup of Black Velvet whiskey on the rocks and plopped myself in front of the TV all day. Then on the weekends I went out to either a bar or a club to damage my brain even further.

So getting back to my point. During that time, this Boys II Men song came out and it really spoke to me. It spoke of brighter days, hope of a future worth living. And I cried out to God in tears asking for help. And He did. It did take a lot of effort on my part to snap out of it. It was a conscious decision to stop smoking, drinking, doing drugs. The thing about the life of an addict is that you can go on like that indefinitely. You need to decide for yourself to pick yourself up. God will meet you more than halfway, but it takes a lot of effort from the addict to make that change.

So why the tears of repentance in my car this morning? Because I have been grumbling. I have been feeling dissatisfied with my life lately. Please don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and I love my kids, but sometimes, well often, life gets monotonous and everyday starts to feel like the last. And I have started grumbling. Then through this song this morning God gave me a wake up call and reminded me where I was 12 years ago. I was alone, didn’t have anybody to love, didn’t have anybody who loved me. My only comfort was the bottle, and the mind numbing drone of the television. I had nothing to live for, nothing to do, but now I have everything to live for and too much to do.

Don’t get me wrong, life is hard. Life will always be hard, no matter what lot in life you are given. Maybe the routine of looking for that fix or high everyday is replaced by having to walk into the same office everyday and putting in 9 hours. Maybe having absolutely nothing to do and being bored out of your mind is replaced with constantly having to change diapers, giving baths, and washing clothes and dishes, and having no free time to yourself. Maybe you wake up every morning and as you are driving to work you feel like today feels exactly like the day before.

Maybe you need to take a moment. Stop and think about your journey. Don’t remember fondly of the endless pots of meat that weren’t there. Remember that you were a slave, chained, shackled. Remember the pain so deep. Remember what God brought you out of and don’t commit the most heinous sin of forgetting where you came from.

Total Forgiveness

Today's QT was about a Japanese war plane pilot Mitsuo Fuchida who led the surprise attack on Pearl Harbor. He became curious about Christianity when he heard about a Christian young woman whose parents had been killed by the Japanese during the war who later decided to minister to Japanese prisoners. Impressed, Fuchida began reading the Bible.

As he read Jesus’ words from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34), he understood how that woman could show kindness to her enemies. That day Fuchida gave his heart to Christ and became a lay preacher and evangelist.

This topic of forgiveness has really been put on my heart these past few months. I have been reading this book called Total Forgiveness and though I am only at the beginning it has really been speaking to me.





I am not a forgiving person. I hold a grudge like a son of a bitch and once I decide to let someone out of my life, it is forever.

The author of this book speaks from personal experience of pain and has seen many other people go through such personal betrayal that forgiveness is not even a considered option. He goes on to speak about how powerful of a testimony it is when people see someone who had a grievous wrong done to them forgive the transgressor. That type of forgiveness is unnatural and is in fact supernatural. It is beyond our own abilities to do.

There are several people in my life that I have not forgiven and don’t think I ever will. The author goes on to say that the spirit of God cannot rest within an unforgiving heart. You won't be able to fully experience all of God's blessings if you cannot forgive. The whole message of the gospel is forgiveness. God forgave us for our sins, why is it then so hard to forgive others?

Am I missing out on God’s presence in my life? Though he has given me much have I not experienced the whole measure of his goodness because of my unforgiving heart?

Though I am still chewing on this topic, I have tried to make a switch in trying to forgive people in my life for smaller transgressions. I have been trying to be less judgmental and critical. I am also doing my best not to verbalize my negative critical thoughts that I have about pretty much everybody. When I judge and criticize others, I am essentially saying I am better than these people and why can’t they be more like me. Perhaps taking these smaller steps will allow God to work in me to forgive the other people in my life.

The Neti Pot

I love this thing. My friend James recommended it to me as he suffers from allergies and nasal congestion too. I feel as I age my allergies are getting worse.

For instance a couple years ago I started to break out in hives every time I take Ibuprofen. The hives only last for a couple hours but still it looks pretty unsightly. The funny thing is when I went to the doctor to take an allergy test it, the test said I wasn’t allergic to anything.

Anyways I bought this Neti Pot yesterday, actually I didn't buy it I kinda stole it. The cashier at my local drug store didn't ring me up for it and I just walked out. I justified it by telling myself she wasn't doing her job properly or maybe she wanted me to have it. =) Okay so I stole it.

I got home jumped into the shower after mixing the solution, which is just water and salt, I poured the solution into each side of my nostril letting the water drain out the other nostril through the nasal cavity. I thought it was going to hurt, but it was actually very soothing and easy. Afterwards I felt like I could breathe so much better and my nose didn't feel as itchy.

Long story short, it's a great product and I wish I started using it earlier.

Psalm 46

Be still, and know that I am God.

How powerful is that statement right there?

How many times in our life do we scurry around and try to do what is best for us. We are like little tiny worker ants, always storing up food.

Times get tough, the waters get rough, but be still and know that God can silence the ocean with a command.

We can't do that very easily can we? No not silence the ocean, but be still. We think we know what is best for us and try with our best effort to make things happen for ourselves.

I am in a predicament at work where I don't want to be still. I don't want to give it up to the Lord, but rather try to use my force and will to make things happen.

But God is telling me to be still. What can I gain by worrying, by scurrying around like a chicken with his head cut off. Be patient, God wants the best for me.

My career is like a speck in his great and infinite plan. It's a piece of sand, yet the almighty God, the King of kings, still cares enough to come down to my level and desire the best for me.

How amazing is that, how indescribable in human words.

Be still, and know that I am God

The Strange Wedding

This is so pimp.

(Photo by Jonathan Yeo)

I used to drink because there was pain,

drinking doesn't have the same allure.

My Boys