More Ranting???

I just read my last blog entry.  Maybe it was a little too much???  Maybe.  I was definitely more angry than I feel today.  But I don't disagree with the overall message.  I am still feeling very frustrated with church and Christians. 

I just had a conversation with a pastor friend of mine from Cal.  We lived in the same dorms together freshman year, so he got to see the unbridled side of me before I became a Christian (imagine that).  I actually took him to a party with me with some of my high school friends freshman year.  We took Bart down and on the way back from the party, I was so drunk I threw up on Bart.  I didn't just throw up, I wasn't able to even get up so I puked all over myself.  He actually came over with some newspaper and tried to catch it so it wouldn't get all over my shirt, but it did.  

Fast forward 22 years, we’re both married, he's a father of 4, me a father of 2.  He's a pastor, I'm a professional hater.  He was saying that knowing me a little, he thought that my issue was that I held Christians to too high of a standard, and also I hated authority.  He was definitely spot on.  Of course there are some other important issues to consider like spiritual abuse, and some bad experiences at my former church.  But he still hit on some important themes.

Do I hold Christians to a higher standard?  I believe I do.  This may be in conflict with the idea that I believe that grace is free and that Christians should stop acting all high and mighty, but I do believe I hold Christians to a higher standard than unbelievers.  

Christians are people who have taken to heart Jesus teachings and try to emulate him in their walk on this earth.  So when I see Christians not walking the walk and just talking the talk, it bothers me.  It doesn't bother me so much when I see a Christian fail and admit his or her sin and shortcomings.  But as a whole I expect us to be better.  So where am I going with this I seem to be contradicting myself and feel like I am coming to a crossroads in my thought process.  

I think it may stem from my own sin.  I don't have much grace.  Meaning I am not a very forgiving person.  I am very hard on my friends and acquaintances and when I see someone do something that I wouldn't do, sometimes I write that person off.  And it can be the slightest of things.   I have this personal value system of how people should be.  Some of it is biblical and some of it is secular.  And when people stray from this personal adopted belief that I have spent a lifetime adapting.  I usually write people off.  

Something else that bothers me about Christians is that they overcommit themselves to church projects/functions.  They commit themselves to a small group where they go to meet up with other Christians to discuss God, they sign up to participate in whatever capacity to help the church.  While at the same time they neglect their family and responsibilities at home, often leaving it to their partners.  I know that pastors struggle with this a lot, and that is often why pastor’s kids often get so messed up. 

But why would you go somewhere to discuss God for three hours when God is at home with your family.  God is HERE, you can practice being with God and being a better Christian right there in your own house if that is what you are striving for.  I’m not trying to point any fingers, I hope my wife who is probably my only reader, doesn’t think I am pointing fingers at her.   It’s just the way I feel about this whole Christian walk and modern day church culture.  It just seems so backwards and doesn’t make any sense on so many levels to me.   

Modern day churches spend all of their time and resources back into themselves, helping people who are already Christian.  They are like a non-profit company who spends all of their time fund raising just to pay the staff salaries and not actually help anyone.