More Free Write

I hate church.  I hate evangelical Christians.  I go to church, I guess I consider myself an evangelical Christian.  Why the dichotomy?

What is it that I hate about modern day churches and the Christians that go there?  Do I hate all of them?  No.  I hate the ones that act like their shit don't stink.  But it's more that just hypocrisy.  I hate conformity of any kind.  I hate the plaid button down shirt, khaki wearing, fake ass always happy smiling, lifting hands up so glad to be at church they wanna pee, singing songs about how happy they are to be in love with God.  Maybe I just hate happy people???

Do I feel judged?  Do I feel like I'm not good enough to attend their church?  Do I feel left out because I can't for the life of me start yelling "Whooohooo" in the middle of church to tell others how much I love Jesus?  Do I want to wear striped shirts, and have rage inside because nothing at Banana Republic fits me?  Do I secretly want to be in the "in crowd" at church?

I had a really rough time of it at the church that I became a Christian in.  It was 7 years of slow brainwashing and mindfucking you into thinking that grace wasn't free.  It's fucking free bitches, you can't earn it.  None of you can, no matter how many people see you acting holy at prayer meetings, or see you lifting your hands up, and shouting "Whooohooo" at church.  No matter how many people see you praying for others, showing up at Count Me In.  IT'S FREE!!!

More on this later, for sure.  It's funny how certain people's faces pop up in my head as I am writing this down.  Man I wish I could just knock some people out, just for the fuck of it.  Just knock the shit out of them and say, "Shut the fuck up and wake up!"  This is the real world, have you ever experienced pain outside of your safe little bubble.  Have you ever truly ever had to work for anything?  Not everyone has a doctor for a father that gives them shit for free.  Not everyone can afford a fucking $100,000 remodel on just your fucking kitchen.  But I am envious of those drawers that close themselves and make no noise.  Wish I had those...fuck you!