Irrational Thoughts

A while back there was an article about a father in Houston who accidentally left his 8 month old daughter in the back of his car and went in to work for 8 hours. Apparently taking the baby to daycare was a change in the couple’s routine, and so the father forgot to drop the baby off and instead just went into work. After work he went to the daycare to pick up the baby and then noticed the baby in the backseat. The baby was rushed to the emergency room but was pronounced dead on arrival.

Okay so why in the hell would I tell such a morbid story? Because this true story has jacked me up for life. A couple weeks ago I started taking Christian to daycare in the morning and this was a major change from my daily routine. So for the first few days after work, as I enter my car I am startled by the car seat being in the backseat and all of a sudden I am paralyzed with this irrational fear that I left Christian in it. So every morning after I drop Christian off I reach my hand in the back and pat the car seat to make sure he’s not in it. I actually do this a couple times. I also make sure to check the backseat before I leave my work parking lot in the morning.

I wouldn’t say that I am a forgetful person but like this father when I stray from my normal routine I can easily miss things. It’s not like what he did couldn’t happen to any one of us. But how do you go on from something like that? How could he face his wife? I was having a conversation with my pastor about this and not sure who said it, but I would never want my wife to forgive me for this. I could never forgive myself, I would want to be reminded daily of what I did. Isn’t that so sad that I think like that? But I think it is hard for a lot of people to accept forgiveness for things. Basically it comes down to pride and maybe a little self loathing.

Anyways thanks to this real life event I can never be truly at peace dropping him off at daycare. The other day I actually wanted to go to my car and check to make sure he wasn’t there. But I kept telling myself, “No I dropped him off! You’re being irrational!” Sometimes I have to yell at the voice in my head…yes I am crazy. Muahahahahahah!