You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good . . . to save many people alive. —Genesis 50:20
Today’s QT was about Joseph. Joseph is my favorite character in the Bible. It was his story of hardship and forgiveness that led me to Christ 13 years ago. I don’t liken myself to Joseph by any means other than that I was blown away at his ability to forgive and forget despite the cruelty that he endured. It was his letting go that allowed me to let go of my anger and hatred. I was carrying it around for so long and it was really heavy. Like Golem in the Lord of the Rings whose appearance changed because of the ring, I think that my anger and hatred truly changed my appearance. I’m really not kidding about this.
I remember that day alone in my mother’s room in Korea when I gave my life to the Lord, how light I felt. I felt the shackles come free, and the heavy burden lifted off my shoulders.
I rarely talk about my testimony anymore or revisit it in my mind for that matter. I guess I kind of got jaded as I told it so many times throughout college. But I need to remember and revisit it because it is a special testimony. The last time I shared it before a large congregation was with Pastor Joe at a church in Concord. I told myself that was the last time I wanted to ever share it. But that is too absolute and I will continue to share it as God leads me.
Joseph is amazing. If I had the power that he had I might have caused my brothers some harm. Mary says the reason I lift weights is because of my dad, so when I see him I won’t let him hurt me again. But not only for that reason, so I won't let anybody hurt me physically the way he did. I guess I have often thought about our reunion and how it would play out. When I was a kid and he was so mush bigger than me, he never had mercy as he was pummeling me. He would always beat me up in our bathroom so I couldn’t run or move out of the way.
Many years ago I did picture our reunion ending in violence just because of the way he is and all the emotions that would well up inside of me. But I don’t think that way anymore. I haven’t seen him since I graduated from high school. He’s probably this old man now, much smaller than I remember. Life has probably not been kind to him with all the drinking, smoking, and womanizing.
Actually I don’t think we will meet before he dies and as hard as that is I have made my peace with it. Before the birth of my son, I was sitting with Mary and we started to talk about my dad and from out of nowhere I started to sob like a little baby. Like really crying, letting it all out. I never cry so this was really weird and it took me by surprise. I cried because my son would never know his grandfather.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
I just started up a membership to this Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school that opened up in Feb in the El Cerrito Plaza. I am their 8th student, it is a really small place. The school is taught by Sergio Silva who was taught by Marcello Montiero-Ricardo de la Riva, who was taught by Carlson Gracie Sr. This Saturday was my first day and let me just say it was awesome! There were only 4 students and one instructor. I really loved the one on one training that we got. We spent the first hour just doing drills and practicing submission moves and escapes. Then the last half hour we got to spar. Let me just say again it was amazing!!!
My first round of sparring I got paired with one of the senior students. It was a four minute round and the first 3 minutes I had the upper hand, I took him down on his back and got him in a half mount and then a full mount. The instructor just told me to hold that position as long as I could. I didn’t know I was supposed to submit him, so I didn’t. But I got tired really fast. Then he shouted some instructions to my opponent and before I knew it he took my back. After the 3 minute mark I gassed out and the guy got on my back, sunk the hooks in, and tried to choke me out. The guy on top of me kept making me laugh cuz as he was choking me he kept talking to me. He kept saying, ”You work out man?”, “Dang you go to the gym a lot huh?” At first he tried to use his arms to choke me, and the whole time the instructor was shouting out instructions to him. The guy on top of me replied back, “I’m trying but the guy has a huge neck.” Again I laughed.
He then started using the gi to choke me. I turned my head to the right as you are supposed to do and just kept pulling his hands away from my neck, remaining calm and breathing. The whole time I was thinking this is awesome! The instructor shouted to me that I only had 10 seconds left, so I was able to hold out until the round was over. Afterwards the instructor patted me on the back and said, “Nice, good job.”
I got to rest while another pair grappled. Then in my second match I got paired with a pretty small guy. I immediately took him to the ground and put my arms around his head and one of his arms, applied a little pressure and forced him to tap out. The second time I put him in a side arm bar and forced him to tap. Then I made him tap 3 more times each with a different kind of choke, one of them being a rear naked. I felt kind of bad for the guy, but at the same time I was just so thrilled I was making someone tap. At my other school we didn’t spar full strength so this was my first time.
The instructor told my opponent, “If you go strength to strength against him you are going to lose each time. If I went strength to strength against him I would lose, you need to try a different tactic.” I have to admit it was hard trying to hide the big smile on my face.
I’m not sure what took me so long to start taking Brazilian Jiu Jjitsu. Pastor Joe said I would like it. All I know is this class is awesome! I was so amped that whole day and I couldn’t wait to go back to the next class. The whole weekend I kept thinking about the class and the moves. This school is so perfect, one because it is 5 minutes from my house, and the people and the instructor there are so much better than the place I used to go to in Oakland. Everybody is so nice, cool, and respectful. The instructor even calls me sir. I want to make it one of my life goals to get a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Can you feel my excitement? I didn’t even feel half as excited in my other school.
My first round of sparring I got paired with one of the senior students. It was a four minute round and the first 3 minutes I had the upper hand, I took him down on his back and got him in a half mount and then a full mount. The instructor just told me to hold that position as long as I could. I didn’t know I was supposed to submit him, so I didn’t. But I got tired really fast. Then he shouted some instructions to my opponent and before I knew it he took my back. After the 3 minute mark I gassed out and the guy got on my back, sunk the hooks in, and tried to choke me out. The guy on top of me kept making me laugh cuz as he was choking me he kept talking to me. He kept saying, ”You work out man?”, “Dang you go to the gym a lot huh?” At first he tried to use his arms to choke me, and the whole time the instructor was shouting out instructions to him. The guy on top of me replied back, “I’m trying but the guy has a huge neck.” Again I laughed.
He then started using the gi to choke me. I turned my head to the right as you are supposed to do and just kept pulling his hands away from my neck, remaining calm and breathing. The whole time I was thinking this is awesome! The instructor shouted to me that I only had 10 seconds left, so I was able to hold out until the round was over. Afterwards the instructor patted me on the back and said, “Nice, good job.”
I got to rest while another pair grappled. Then in my second match I got paired with a pretty small guy. I immediately took him to the ground and put my arms around his head and one of his arms, applied a little pressure and forced him to tap out. The second time I put him in a side arm bar and forced him to tap. Then I made him tap 3 more times each with a different kind of choke, one of them being a rear naked. I felt kind of bad for the guy, but at the same time I was just so thrilled I was making someone tap. At my other school we didn’t spar full strength so this was my first time.
The instructor told my opponent, “If you go strength to strength against him you are going to lose each time. If I went strength to strength against him I would lose, you need to try a different tactic.” I have to admit it was hard trying to hide the big smile on my face.
I’m not sure what took me so long to start taking Brazilian Jiu Jjitsu. Pastor Joe said I would like it. All I know is this class is awesome! I was so amped that whole day and I couldn’t wait to go back to the next class. The whole weekend I kept thinking about the class and the moves. This school is so perfect, one because it is 5 minutes from my house, and the people and the instructor there are so much better than the place I used to go to in Oakland. Everybody is so nice, cool, and respectful. The instructor even calls me sir. I want to make it one of my life goals to get a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Can you feel my excitement? I didn’t even feel half as excited in my other school.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Idol Gives Back
This past week on American Idol they had an American Idol gives back special where they raised money for different causes. They showed a bunch of clips of different celebrities in Africa or in different slums in America helping out. I am usually callous to those clips of starving children or children infected with AIDS, and I hate how celebrities act up to the camera. Like Celine Dion and the Mannings, I’m sure as soon as the cameras turned off they were like I’m outta here.
But one clip almost moved me to tears. There was one with Forest Whitaker and his wife in Africa and these 3 little kids were showing the couple their house and where they slept. Basically they slept on the concrete floor and all 3 of the kids slept on this little spongy mat hardly big enough for one of them. Just seeing those kids arranging themselves on that mat so all of them could fit just broke my heart. They showed Forest Whitaker and his wife outside crying and trying to collect themselves and I really felt their genuine pain. As a father I couldn’t imagine my son living in those conditions. I don’t even want to think about it now.
Maybe that’s why I fast forward whenever I see something like that because it’s easier to just not think about it and pretend it’s not happening. After all what can one person do? A lot apparently. I used to be Bono hater. I thought he was such a poser, but that guy is pretty awesome. He does so much for charity and despite criticism, I think he is one man making a huge difference in the world. I didn't know this but he was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize several times.
But one clip almost moved me to tears. There was one with Forest Whitaker and his wife in Africa and these 3 little kids were showing the couple their house and where they slept. Basically they slept on the concrete floor and all 3 of the kids slept on this little spongy mat hardly big enough for one of them. Just seeing those kids arranging themselves on that mat so all of them could fit just broke my heart. They showed Forest Whitaker and his wife outside crying and trying to collect themselves and I really felt their genuine pain. As a father I couldn’t imagine my son living in those conditions. I don’t even want to think about it now.
Maybe that’s why I fast forward whenever I see something like that because it’s easier to just not think about it and pretend it’s not happening. After all what can one person do? A lot apparently. I used to be Bono hater. I thought he was such a poser, but that guy is pretty awesome. He does so much for charity and despite criticism, I think he is one man making a huge difference in the world. I didn't know this but he was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize several times.
And Whispered in the Sounds of Silence
Holy Spirit, we would hear
Your inner promptings, soft and clear;
Mazda 3 speed
Acura RDX
Your inner promptings, soft and clear;
And help us know Your still, small voice
So we may make God's will our choice. —D. De Haan
We’ve been going over seeking silence and listening to God’s soft still voice in our weekly Bible studies for the last 3 weeks. This was a quote from today’s QT. I really do believe that God talk to us in a soft still voice when we search him in silence. He also can also interrupt our business very loudly to get our attention.
Last night on American Idol. The idols sang My Jesus, My Savior. Mary and I couldn’t believe it. Actually a lot of the idols have been singing gospel/Christian songs. Carrie Underwood had that smash single Jesus Take the Wheel. But it was really weird hearing the idols sing, “My Jesus, my savior, Lord there is none like you…all of my days I want to praise the wonders of your mighty love.”
Played tennis last night with Jonathan. It was the first time playing in awhile, but it felt good. I wanna start playing more often, get back my form. However I realized that I can’t move laterally anymore. My right knee almost gave out yesterday chasing a ball. Afterwards we met up with John at Yu Yu Ja Jang for some good cheap eats.
I’m still trying to sell my car. I keep changing my mind on which car I want to buy. I want to get something practical for the family. Important things are 4 doors, lots of trunk space, safety, and reliability. But I also want it to be fun to drive. I need some performance out of the car. And even though Mary wants me to get an automatic, I really want to get a stick. Automatics are so boring especially on performance cars that have a lot of zip. So based on these criterias I think I got it narrowed down to 3.
Subaru WRX station wagon
We’ve been going over seeking silence and listening to God’s soft still voice in our weekly Bible studies for the last 3 weeks. This was a quote from today’s QT. I really do believe that God talk to us in a soft still voice when we search him in silence. He also can also interrupt our business very loudly to get our attention.
Last night on American Idol. The idols sang My Jesus, My Savior. Mary and I couldn’t believe it. Actually a lot of the idols have been singing gospel/Christian songs. Carrie Underwood had that smash single Jesus Take the Wheel. But it was really weird hearing the idols sing, “My Jesus, my savior, Lord there is none like you…all of my days I want to praise the wonders of your mighty love.”
Played tennis last night with Jonathan. It was the first time playing in awhile, but it felt good. I wanna start playing more often, get back my form. However I realized that I can’t move laterally anymore. My right knee almost gave out yesterday chasing a ball. Afterwards we met up with John at Yu Yu Ja Jang for some good cheap eats.
I’m still trying to sell my car. I keep changing my mind on which car I want to buy. I want to get something practical for the family. Important things are 4 doors, lots of trunk space, safety, and reliability. But I also want it to be fun to drive. I need some performance out of the car. And even though Mary wants me to get an automatic, I really want to get a stick. Automatics are so boring especially on performance cars that have a lot of zip. So based on these criterias I think I got it narrowed down to 3.
Subaru WRX station wagon
Mazda 3 speed
Acura RDX
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
BART Story
I couldn’t sleep last night. I was up tossing and turning, not sure why. So I did something weird, I ended up praying for like 15 minutes.
Christian cried again this morning when I dropped him off so I went in with him and stayed for like 5 minutes. He didn’t want to leave my side, but he got distracted by the straps of a car seat and I snuck out. He loves straps of any kind. Funny kid.
I got in touch with another one of my old college friends from freshman year through Facebook. If I’ve told you my throwing up on Bart story, he was the guy who tried to catch my vomit in a newspaper. The first few weeks of my freshman year I brought a bunch of my dorm friends to a party that my high school friends were throwing in Fremont. We took Bart there. Anyways I end up getting trashed and as we head back I throw up on Bart. I actually got some on my friend Connie who was sitting next to me. But I was so drunk that I couldn’t even lean over so I just threw up all over myself. My friend Freddy comes over with a newspaper and tried to catch all of my vomit in it, but it was too much and it all collapsed onto my shirt.
Freddy is such a good guy. What a heart. He was actually one of the first people to evangelize to me. I actually went to church with him for the first time in college. Actually a lot of people reached out to me my freshman year in the dorms. I guess I just had save me written all over my face.
It was my friend Rich’s b-day this Saturday. We went to eat at the Circa Lounge in the Marina district. I was pretty impressed with their food and the atmosphere of the restaurant. We then went to the Bubble Lounge and had some drinks. I only go out once a year to a club or lounge and it’s always on my friend Rich’s b-day. He is still single and so are most of his friends so they still go clubbing once in awhile. I was pretty good that night. I ended up coming home pretty early 12:30 ish. But I had a blast.
Christian cried again this morning when I dropped him off so I went in with him and stayed for like 5 minutes. He didn’t want to leave my side, but he got distracted by the straps of a car seat and I snuck out. He loves straps of any kind. Funny kid.
I got in touch with another one of my old college friends from freshman year through Facebook. If I’ve told you my throwing up on Bart story, he was the guy who tried to catch my vomit in a newspaper. The first few weeks of my freshman year I brought a bunch of my dorm friends to a party that my high school friends were throwing in Fremont. We took Bart there. Anyways I end up getting trashed and as we head back I throw up on Bart. I actually got some on my friend Connie who was sitting next to me. But I was so drunk that I couldn’t even lean over so I just threw up all over myself. My friend Freddy comes over with a newspaper and tried to catch all of my vomit in it, but it was too much and it all collapsed onto my shirt.
Freddy is such a good guy. What a heart. He was actually one of the first people to evangelize to me. I actually went to church with him for the first time in college. Actually a lot of people reached out to me my freshman year in the dorms. I guess I just had save me written all over my face.
It was my friend Rich’s b-day this Saturday. We went to eat at the Circa Lounge in the Marina district. I was pretty impressed with their food and the atmosphere of the restaurant. We then went to the Bubble Lounge and had some drinks. I only go out once a year to a club or lounge and it’s always on my friend Rich’s b-day. He is still single and so are most of his friends so they still go clubbing once in awhile. I was pretty good that night. I ended up coming home pretty early 12:30 ish. But I had a blast.
Monday, April 7, 2008
=(
Today when I dropped Christian off at daycare he started to wail and wouldn’t go to the daycare woman. When I gave him to her, he tried to come back to me. It broke my heart, I didn’t want to leave him.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Nomad
Facebook is pretty crazy. The other day I got a message from my best friend from high school whom I haven’t seen since I stood for his wedding my Jr year in college. We ended up talking on the phone for an hour just catching up. We’re both fathers ~ crazy. He was a good friend, I even lived with him and his family during my senior year, until his stepdad kicked me out.
I’m really bad at staying in touch with people. Once when my friend Rich and I were arguing he said he was surprised how easily I can just drop my friends or forget about them. It kind of stung when I heard that but it’s true. If one of my friends move away out of state, I can easily forget about them. I mean we all are guilty of that to an extent. But I think I am extreme.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about my internal wiring and why I am that way, and I’ve come up with this. It’s because of my nomad lifestyle growing up. I moved a lot when I was growing up through high school. I think it was like 17 or 18 times. Anyways it was a lot.
I remember the first few times moving when I was a kid and getting really hurt having to leave my best friends. But after the 6th, 7th move I kinda got used to it. Callous, jaded, numb. After each move it was out with the old and in with the new. Yeah it sucked having to leave good friends and having to make new ones all the time, but you get used to it. So that’s it, that’s what I’ve come up with. But I’ve changed, and I’m trying to rewire the loose endings. Since college I’ve pretty much stayed in the same area and have maintained my relationships with my closest friends.
It’s actually my best friend Rich’s b-day this Saturday. It will be good to see him, and it was really good to hear from my old best friend Greg. I really hope we keep in touch.
I’m really bad at staying in touch with people. Once when my friend Rich and I were arguing he said he was surprised how easily I can just drop my friends or forget about them. It kind of stung when I heard that but it’s true. If one of my friends move away out of state, I can easily forget about them. I mean we all are guilty of that to an extent. But I think I am extreme.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about my internal wiring and why I am that way, and I’ve come up with this. It’s because of my nomad lifestyle growing up. I moved a lot when I was growing up through high school. I think it was like 17 or 18 times. Anyways it was a lot.
I remember the first few times moving when I was a kid and getting really hurt having to leave my best friends. But after the 6th, 7th move I kinda got used to it. Callous, jaded, numb. After each move it was out with the old and in with the new. Yeah it sucked having to leave good friends and having to make new ones all the time, but you get used to it. So that’s it, that’s what I’ve come up with. But I’ve changed, and I’m trying to rewire the loose endings. Since college I’ve pretty much stayed in the same area and have maintained my relationships with my closest friends.
It’s actually my best friend Rich’s b-day this Saturday. It will be good to see him, and it was really good to hear from my old best friend Greg. I really hope we keep in touch.
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