Pros
1) Relaxes me
2) Makes me feel sedated/high
3) Usually makes whatever I am doing seem more enjoyable
4) Makes me more social at times
5) Most people drink so it helps me to fit in at social gatherings at work, etc.
6) It's my favorite hobby, the thing that I look forward to doing the most
Cons
1) My wife hates it
2) Expensive
3) Bad for my health
4) Sometimes makes me angry, violent, argumentative
5) Can't drive
6) Don't have full control of my gross motor skills
7) Blackouts
8) Makes me anti-social sometimes
9) Can't effectively watch my kids
10) Feel physically crappy the next day
11) Makes me feel depressed
12) Don't want to pass on alcoholism to my sons
13) Alcohol destroyed my family growing up
14) Have no control of how much I drink
15) Makes me completetly ineffective the next day
16) Diarrhea
17) Bible says not to get drunk
18) Takes away any ambition or desire to do anything besides drink
When I drink I drink for the high, the buzz, but most of the time I don't even get a clean one. It's usually a sloppy buzz. And most of the time, actually all the time I drink past the point of feeling buzzed to either keep chasing it or keep it going, and then I black out and fall asleep.
Is it even really that fun!? Wouldn't I have a better time at doing whatever it is I am doing if I was able to do it coherently and remember doing it!? What is this constant need to chase that high, to desire the feeling of sedation? I guess that is why they call it an addiction, a habit, a compulsion, a need, a dependence, a craving, a compulsion, an infatuation, an obsession. I'm physiologically and psychologically dependent on it. My God how I love it though!
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3 comments:
I used to sit in AA meetings overwhelmed with the sickening feeling that I had given up the love of my life. I had a serious love for drinking. There were a few thoughts I would run over in my mind that kept me going:
-Not every time I drank was a bad time, but frequently the bad things in my life happened because I drank.
-Matthew 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
-Maybe I didn't have a "problem," but was I really willing to risk destroying more relationships and opportunities to find out for sure?
I know firsthand how much it sucks, but it's been my experience that God will bless you for it. AA helped me a lot the first year. Some meetings are better than others.
God used the whole situation to show me how much I needed Him, and how helpless I am against my own flesh. It's definitely not a willpower issue. I will be praying for you and the fam!
Wow. This a very honest post. While I can't personally understand how you are feeling, I'm confident God knows even more than you. I know it sounds cliche, but these are the times it's so important to lean on Him. I really applaud the bravery in tackling this issue.
Alex,
Thank you so much for sharing. This is exactly how I feel. I feel like I am giving up the love of my life. And I keep making excuses in my head on how I can control it. But I realize it controls me. Thanks for your prayers.
Daniel,
Thanks man for your encouragement. I am totally relying on God for strength. I am scared and a little excited at the same time.
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