King of El Cerrito

A long time ago I went to the Jelly Belly factory with a bunch of friends, one of them said that I was the Korean version of Doug on King of Queens. The King of Queens is one of my favorite TV shows and there actually are a lot of similarities between Doug Heffernan's life and mine.

First off we're both pretty large men, around the same height. We both love to eat, that explains why we are both rather large. Doug's description of a perfect weekend would be lounging around the house watching TV and eating take out, and that is pretty much mine as well. We both have nagging wives, (just kidding Mary). Actually Mary used to nag me but she stopped because she knows how much I hate it.

But the most important similarity is that we both live with annoying in-laws. This is kind of mean, but we nicknamed Mary's mom Arthur. Mary's mom is like Arthur in so many way ways. Too bad we don't have a basement. =)

Today I had to take her shopping at the Korean market. I felt just like Doug when he reluctantly has to take Arthur to run his errands. The car ride there and back was bruuuuutal. Mary's mom has some really bad breath, it's not just your run of the mill I forgot to brush bad breath, it's the kind that smells like something crawled in there and died several years ago. I know it's mean, but I'm an asshole what can I say. Anyways it was so bad that despite it being freezing I had to roll down the window, but it still didn't help. So I breathed through my mouth the whole time. I know I'm going to hell but I just had to let it out.

Maybe I should have told her. I do carry some Listerine in my car that I use after I eat lunch at work. I should have just casually offered her some. But I seriously don't think it would have helped, I think something is rotting in there.