My Mother

My mom is coming to visit from Korea this Saturday. For those who don't know I met my mom for the first time my sophomore year in college. We were separated when I was 2 or 3 and I came to live with my dad and his new wife in America. Growing up I thought that my stepmother was my real mom, I didn't find out until I was 10 that she wasn't. My dad is weird like that.

It wasn't like those made for tv dramas where I wanted to go out and search for her. Actually I was more upset that my stepmother wan't my real mom. It was a very confusing time. I remember how much I hurt my stepmother when I started calling her by her first name. The first time I did that her face couldn't hide the hurt that I inflicted on her. But inside I was dying too.

Fast forward to my sophmore year in college. I'm not really sure how it all came about, but my uncle in Korea said that my real mother wanted to meet me. So I flew to Korea to my uncle's house and we took the long bus ride from Seoul to Pusan to meet my mother. I will never forget that bus ride. I seriously wanted to die. It was so hot and the bus didn't have air condition. And even though Seoul to Pusan is not that far I think it took like 8 hours to get there.

So we end up meeting at this cafe. I remember when I walked up to her my first thoughts were, this is my mother? She didn't look like the typical woman that my dad would marry. (My dad got married 5 times) She was a giant of a lady 5' 9 " and just real big, not fat, but big. I ended spending two weeks with her and though it was really awkward, we got to know each other well. I don't know how to describe meeting a stranger and being told that she's your birth mom, it's unreal.

She really had a difficult life. It's not easy for a divorced woman back in those days in Korea. She never remarried. She does have a lot of family around her and she gets along with them great. When her, her brother, and sister came to stay with us for our wedding, it was like a party every night in their room. They really have so much fun with each other.

I've gone back to visit her twice and she has come to visit me 3 times. She is an awesome lady and I'm so happy that she got to be a part of my life and that she gets to be a part of Christian's life. Though I have no memories of her as a child, we have formed some pretty good memories in the short time that we have spent together. I still don't feel like she's my mom, and I can't truly say that I love her like that either and the sad thing is, I don't think I ever will.

I think she was so relieved after I got married and had a son. I think she feels that she can die peacefully now. I asked her if she wanted to come and live with us, but she respectfully declined. It would be difficult anyway with Mary's mom living with us too. But I was thinking they could keep each other company.

I'm looking forward to seeing her, though I know it is going to be stressful for Mary. Thanks in advance babe.